How?

36 years ago, on this day in June my life changed forever.  In a ceremony that to me sadly, was not much more than a formality at the time. Something I “had” to do to get on with my life.

 I married Lisa Crooker on June 2, 1984.

She was all I ever wanted and all I ever needed but it would be years before I figured that out.  All I knew at the time was that she was beautiful, sexy and I thought I was in love with her. (Oh, how little I knew about real love)

It would be many years before I knew just how much she completed me. How she softened my edges, cooled my temper and rained in my crazy ideas. 

Years before I knew she provided the stability I needed in my life to be happy and years before I truly knew what love was and how much I really did love her!

She would become my best friend without my even realizing it.

She has quietly sacrificed so much for me and has never gotten or expected a thank you for her efforts.

She wanted to go to college for computer science right after high school, but I wouldn’t wait. I had a life to live and if she wanted to be with me it was time to move forward. I would not be tied down to any collage, town or schedule. So, she gave up her desire to go to collage and we were off. Something I truly regret taking from her.

When a Job in Alabama called after 16 years of marriage and it was a great opportunity for “ME”, she gave up her career and her life in Maine and we moved the family 1400 miles to middle Alabama. A sacrifice she made with no hesitation or complaint. She left behind lifelong friends and family so I could follow a dream. A dream that faded just 3 short years later.

While I chased a career so I could “make a name for myself” she selflessly stayed home and raised our two boys. I would spend weeks on the road while she worked a job, took care of the kids and kept the house going. Some years I would be on the road up to 200 nights a year. 

“I” had the pleasure of traveling to every state in the United States except North Dakota, all the providences of Canada and Mexico within a short three-year span.

 I did all this while she sat at home fighting with teenage boys and silently dealing with the loneliness caused by my absence.

The nights I was not there to hold her were many! Too many nights she had to struggle alone to make it all work, while I enjoyed life on the road seeing some of the best places in America. Sleeping in high priced hotels and eating at the best of restaurants around this country. 

So I ask you how?

In 36 years, she has been laid off once from a job. I have had 19 jobs!   I have gone home 4 times with a pit in my stomach to give the news that my job had been eliminated and I was unemployed. I have gone home twice with the embarrassment of having to say I had been fired and our income was now cut in half overnight. 

Through all the years of upheaval and change she still made the budget work and we never missed a payment and never fell behind. 

So I ask you how?

She never blamed me for the turmoil I brought into our life together, and boy there was a lot of it over the years.  She accepted it and made the best of it. If she resented the upheaval and the chaos that seemed to follow me at times. I never new it, I never heard it.

We have lived in 3 different states in at least 11 different houses and 4 different apartments. She made each one a warm and loving home for us.

We went from Maine to Alabama, Alabama to Pennsylvania, Pennsylvania to Maine, Maine back to Alabama, and finally Alabama back to Maine ! (Oh how I have learned to pack a moving truck !) 

You see if there is one thing I bring to this 36-year love affair, it is the element of the unknown.  What now? when? Where?  

Good or bad I seem to be drawn to the element of change. Maybe I get bored, maybe I am just not satisfied with an “average” life. I really do not know what drives my desire to always be on the go but I am. 

Some change caused by me, some thrust upon us! Yet through it all she remains right beside me.

That is the one thing I can always depend on, the fact that Lisa will always be by my side. She will always be there to love and support me. To protect me from myself and lift me up to accomplish what I can. 

So, I ask you again........ How?  

How do you thank someone like that? What tribute is befitting such a level of commitment and sacrifice?

How do you ever repay the years of love, support, kindness and understanding she has brought to our life together.

 How?

How do you thank someone who provided years of love you did not deserve; support you did not earn and forgiveness you did not asked for?

How? 

Happy Anniversary Lisa, I love you!

And yes, 

Thank you!