Time

 

The wind is playing havoc with the smoke coming off the fire pit. No matter where I set my chair it seems to follow me almost instantly. 

I settle into a new spot, and I slowly close my eyes as they are burning from the smoke,  as I listen I am instantly 40 years in the past.

I hear the crackling of the fire being drowned out by familiar voices from days gone by. 

 There’s Dennis he’s talking with Paula about playing golf. 

That’s Dave, he’s joking with Denise and Rhonda, I can’t make out what he’s saying but as usual if Dave’s talking people are laughing.  

To my left Mary and Molly are talking quietly. 

I can’t hear Alison but that’s not surprising her quiet and gentle demeaner hasn’t changed a bit in 40 years.

As I slowly open my eyes time fast forwards to the present and the reality of its passing can be seen.

I am at a small impromptu gathering of classmates pulled together at the last minute. Our mission is to visit around a firepit with Dennis, who is home for a quick visit from the west coast.

The evening started with hugs all around as we all slowly slipped back in time.

 There were stories told, memories questioned and laughter,  yes lots and lots of laughter.

Now even though it was a small group, and we live in the same town, there were several at the fire who I had not spoken with in 39 years. 

No, since the day we walked away with our gowns on and cap in hand, our paths simply never crossed.

The rest I have seen in passing but never much more than a casual  “Hello , how are you?” and we would be off again buried in our separate lives.

And yet, as though time had never passed,  our ability to reconnect and slip back into each other’s lives, if only for an evening,  seemed effortless. 

I know this will sound strange and I am not sure I can explain it, but the passing of time seemed to almost bring us closer together.

 I had meaningful conversations with classmates I rarely spoke with all those years ago. 

Was it maturity on our part at this point in life or simply a change in priorities and attitudes? 

I don’t know but to me it seemed easier somehow than it did all those years ago.

As the evening wore on memories reconnected us as we sat around a the smokey fire that played the ringmaster to it all.

 What seemed apparent to me was that time and our current place in it, seems to have closed  the gap that existed between us so many years ago, as caring and a genuine appreciation for each other filled the void. 

 I’m not sure that makes any sense and I’m sure it’s my inability to explain it that’s lacking.

All I know is for about three hours last night I was back in 1982 and I truly enjoyed the visit.

Goodbye Mary

 

Her name is Mary Louise Chaisson, she was born in 1958 in Rumford Maine. The Daughter of David and Philena Chaisson. By the time Mary was 2 years old David and Philena received the news no parents wish to hear. Mary was different, she would not be like other kids. In a day when words were not as closely guarded as they are today, David and Philena heard the news that Mary was retarded. , That’s a word we don’t use anymore today but back in that day, it was standard practice. Mary won’t be like other kids, and she probably wouldn’t live past her teens was the message. If she did manage to live past her teens her life would mean little and the quality of life she could expect was bleak at best. She will never have a family, never own a home, never have a job, never graduate from collage, fall in love or create a legacy for future generations. No in those days, an outlook like the one Mary received, lacked all hope of a life worth living. You see Mary simply wasn’t like everyone else and she never would be. I met Mary when I was a teen, and I started dating her cousin, Lisa. Yes, Mary is Lisa’s first cousin and I met her soon after Lisa and I started dating in the late 1970’s. By that time Mary had already beaten the odds and was in her early 20’s. Yes, part of her early diagnosis was correct . Mary seemed to me, to be stuck at about the age of 4 or 5 . She wore braces on her legs ,why I am not sure, but I know she had physical issues as well as the intellectual ones. Despite her challenges she was the first person with her level of disability to successfully graduate from High school in her hometown of Cambridge Massachusetts . The occasion was so celebrated that Mary was presented her diploma by the Mayor of Cambridge. So why am I telling you about Mary? Sadly, this past weekend I attended her funeral. She passed away at the age of 63 . A far cry from the prediction made decades before. I want to tell you about the Mary I knew . I want to give you “MY” diagnosis of Mary . In the view of the world, Mary was a broken soul destined to a life where the simple achievements made by you and I would be impossible for Mary. I would have to agree with some of that but let me introduce you to the Mary I knew for 40 years. Mary was a pure and gentle human being. Mary greeted everyone with a smile. She loved people and never met anyone who she wouldn’t try to befriend. There is no doubt that growing up Mary was picked on and abused as a child in the 60’s, by both kids and adults alike. Yet Mary never held a grudge or let it affect her attitude or outlook on life. She was the first to forgive and accepted everyone for who they were. She was always smiling and genuinely seemed to be happy every time I saw her . I would be greeted with a hug and an "I love you" every time we met. She had no self-pity for her situation. I’m not sure she even understood it all. She was just happy no matter what she was doing. She used the phrase “ I Love you” often and truly meant it. I remember the first time she said it to me, I was somewhat taken aback at the statement and yet I knew she meant it. It was simply a pure, unguarded expression of how she felt. Nothing more , nothing less. She wasn’t looking for “I love you” in return, nor was she using it in any way other than to express her genuine caring for those around her. She loved to travel and enjoyed going anywhere she could. She did have a job and was very good at what she did and loved by all who worked with her. Mary saw life through a lens that focused on the best in everything and everyone. It wasn’t forced or something she worked on . It was just who she was. She had no jealousy, anger, greed, or ego. I don’t know if she couldn’t understand those traits or if somehow, she choose not to embrace them but either way she lacked most of the qualities you and I work so hard to hide. Even when her time was short and her mother tried to explain the inevitable to Mary. Mary was sick and wasn’t going to get any better. Philena asked “Mary do you understand what I am saying” Mary Smiled and said “yes, I’ll be seeing Daddy and my big sister soon” was her response. Both had passed way years ago and Mary was looking forward to the reunion. She was simply a sweet soul who was stuck in a toddler’s mind. Was Mary different? Yes , she was . In ways measured by IQ scores, worldly accomplishments and most of the things today’s world uses to gauge success. Mary simply didn’t measure up. Although challenged with a mind that couldn’t keep up and a body that often failed, its true Mary was not like everyone else. BUT clearly looking back on her life much of that difference , much of what made Mary special and not like the rest of us, is as much because of our shortcomings , our weaknesses, and our level of broken, not hers. Mary exemplified what the rest of us should strive to accomplish. Mary exhibited daily all the traits we should strive to master. She was kind, caring and happy all the time. She saw the good in everyone and everything. She accepted challenges and heartache with a level of grace and acceptance that most of us can only wish to achieve. She embraced the life she was dealt with an acceptance for what it was and did it with a smile. So clearly if you measure Mary’s life by the gauge the world sets before us, Mary’s score would be very low. But take that same measurement with the gauge that measures what it means to be a truly decent, loving and kind human being and Mary’s scores are off the charts. So, was Mary different? yes, was she special ? She sure was ! We should all try to be more like Mary. We should all try to fix our broken and maybe we can be just half the human being Mary was for 63 years ! Goodbye Mary we will miss that shy smile!

Is it worth it?

 

Is it worth it ?

As I reach through the darkness, I can’t see my phone, but I know where I put it last night and I have no problem retrieving it. 

I click the button on the side to wake it up and I am met with a clock that reads 3:05 am.

As I am looking at my phone, the gas light in the kitchen pops on and a low glow of light starts to break the darkness of our little camp. 

John is lighting the gas stove to get the coffee going.  Yes, the old percolator coffee pot that always leaves a heavy dose of coffee grounds at the bottom of your cup . 

Its not long before the tell-tale burp sound signals the coffee is brewing.

Aaah coffee!  A key element for two old guys who often forget how old they really are.

Today’s destination is a good way away and will require about a 30-minute Jeep ride to get there. 

We quickly eat our breakfast and drink our coffee as the anticipation of the day pulls strongly at us.

The gear was loaded into the jeep the night before so there is no real packing to be done for the day except grabbing a few waters and some snacks.

As the jeep bumps down the dirt road, we are heading deeper into a territory we have never fished before. 

We found the pond the day before during a scouting trip ( code word for we were just riding around) and with a Fly Fishing Only regulation we figured it was worth the effort to check it out .

We arrive at the boulders that signal the end of the jeep ride.

From here on its on foot.

The hike in is about a half mile and not too difficult so we quickly grab all our gear and start our hike.

By now the horizon Is getting light as dawn signals the start of another day.

We get to the pond and immediately start preparing our “ghost Canoe” .

A ghost canoe is a Maine tradition where a canoe is left unchained at a pond for others to use that have made the trek.

It’s a wonderful tradition and so many fishermen utilize the generosity of those who drag a canoe all the way in and then leave it unlocked for others to use.

 

Once the gear is all in the canoe  we tie on our flies by the light of  a flashlight.

 Soon we quietly push off from shore to explore a pond neither of us has ever fished before as daylight breaks.

What will the day bring?

Will we have success?

Will getting up early and riding through the darkness be worth the effort and lost sleep?

Will the effort needed to hike our gear into the pond be worth the walk?

Could it be worth all this effort?

Will we have success?     

We already have !  

Tell me what more  one could  wish for?

A remote trout pond deep in the Maine woods.

Two lifelong friends exploring a new location and sharing the love of fly fishing.

The sun coming up to start a new day.

So I ask you, what more could one wish for ?

Nothing!

 Unless the wish was to be young again and start this life's journey anew!