Goodbye Mary

 

Her name is Mary Louise Chaisson, she was born in 1958 in Rumford Maine. The Daughter of David and Philena Chaisson. By the time Mary was 2 years old David and Philena received the news no parents wish to hear. Mary was different, she would not be like other kids. In a day when words were not as closely guarded as they are today, David and Philena heard the news that Mary was retarded. , That’s a word we don’t use anymore today but back in that day, it was standard practice. Mary won’t be like other kids, and she probably wouldn’t live past her teens was the message. If she did manage to live past her teens her life would mean little and the quality of life she could expect was bleak at best. She will never have a family, never own a home, never have a job, never graduate from collage, fall in love or create a legacy for future generations. No in those days, an outlook like the one Mary received, lacked all hope of a life worth living. You see Mary simply wasn’t like everyone else and she never would be. I met Mary when I was a teen, and I started dating her cousin, Lisa. Yes, Mary is Lisa’s first cousin and I met her soon after Lisa and I started dating in the late 1970’s. By that time Mary had already beaten the odds and was in her early 20’s. Yes, part of her early diagnosis was correct . Mary seemed to me, to be stuck at about the age of 4 or 5 . She wore braces on her legs ,why I am not sure, but I know she had physical issues as well as the intellectual ones. Despite her challenges she was the first person with her level of disability to successfully graduate from High school in her hometown of Cambridge Massachusetts . The occasion was so celebrated that Mary was presented her diploma by the Mayor of Cambridge. So why am I telling you about Mary? Sadly, this past weekend I attended her funeral. She passed away at the age of 63 . A far cry from the prediction made decades before. I want to tell you about the Mary I knew . I want to give you “MY” diagnosis of Mary . In the view of the world, Mary was a broken soul destined to a life where the simple achievements made by you and I would be impossible for Mary. I would have to agree with some of that but let me introduce you to the Mary I knew for 40 years. Mary was a pure and gentle human being. Mary greeted everyone with a smile. She loved people and never met anyone who she wouldn’t try to befriend. There is no doubt that growing up Mary was picked on and abused as a child in the 60’s, by both kids and adults alike. Yet Mary never held a grudge or let it affect her attitude or outlook on life. She was the first to forgive and accepted everyone for who they were. She was always smiling and genuinely seemed to be happy every time I saw her . I would be greeted with a hug and an "I love you" every time we met. She had no self-pity for her situation. I’m not sure she even understood it all. She was just happy no matter what she was doing. She used the phrase “ I Love you” often and truly meant it. I remember the first time she said it to me, I was somewhat taken aback at the statement and yet I knew she meant it. It was simply a pure, unguarded expression of how she felt. Nothing more , nothing less. She wasn’t looking for “I love you” in return, nor was she using it in any way other than to express her genuine caring for those around her. She loved to travel and enjoyed going anywhere she could. She did have a job and was very good at what she did and loved by all who worked with her. Mary saw life through a lens that focused on the best in everything and everyone. It wasn’t forced or something she worked on . It was just who she was. She had no jealousy, anger, greed, or ego. I don’t know if she couldn’t understand those traits or if somehow, she choose not to embrace them but either way she lacked most of the qualities you and I work so hard to hide. Even when her time was short and her mother tried to explain the inevitable to Mary. Mary was sick and wasn’t going to get any better. Philena asked “Mary do you understand what I am saying” Mary Smiled and said “yes, I’ll be seeing Daddy and my big sister soon” was her response. Both had passed way years ago and Mary was looking forward to the reunion. She was simply a sweet soul who was stuck in a toddler’s mind. Was Mary different? Yes , she was . In ways measured by IQ scores, worldly accomplishments and most of the things today’s world uses to gauge success. Mary simply didn’t measure up. Although challenged with a mind that couldn’t keep up and a body that often failed, its true Mary was not like everyone else. BUT clearly looking back on her life much of that difference , much of what made Mary special and not like the rest of us, is as much because of our shortcomings , our weaknesses, and our level of broken, not hers. Mary exemplified what the rest of us should strive to accomplish. Mary exhibited daily all the traits we should strive to master. She was kind, caring and happy all the time. She saw the good in everyone and everything. She accepted challenges and heartache with a level of grace and acceptance that most of us can only wish to achieve. She embraced the life she was dealt with an acceptance for what it was and did it with a smile. So clearly if you measure Mary’s life by the gauge the world sets before us, Mary’s score would be very low. But take that same measurement with the gauge that measures what it means to be a truly decent, loving and kind human being and Mary’s scores are off the charts. So, was Mary different? yes, was she special ? She sure was ! We should all try to be more like Mary. We should all try to fix our broken and maybe we can be just half the human being Mary was for 63 years ! Goodbye Mary we will miss that shy smile!