Choices

Chocolate or vanilla?

Coke or Pepsi?

Ford or Chevy?

Our world is an amazing array of choices that allow each person to enjoy life as they see fit.

No matter what the product is, from toothpaste to TV’s, there is always dozens of choices to fit your every need or desire.

We have truly created a society that ensures you can get what you what when you want it.

Because of that we tend to develop our favorites and stick with them.

If you are a ford person you have probably driven fords for a while, Coke drinker, Chocolate ice cream?

We all have our favorites and life allows us to always have what we want when we want it.

But what about the important thing in life. What about the things that really matter?

Where do you take sides on that?

Which camp do you fall into when it come to the truly important issues of life?

Of course, I am talking about a topic that only provides two options.

A topic that has not been commercialized and duplicated to the point where there are 17 shelves at Walmart with 100 different brands.

No, there are only two to chose from and I am interested in which you prefer and why.

What topic of great importance am I referring to?

Why it’s the age-old debate of which do you like better?

Which one touches you in some way more than the other?

I am of course talking about sunsets or sunrises?

Which one do you like most and why?

For me, its Sunsets!

The often brilliant and beautiful end of the day .

An end that signals no matter how rough the day was or how much you struggled, the final glimpse of daylight can provide a momentary glimpse of beauty that promises tomorrow we will start anew.

And tomorrow gives you another chance to make it better than today.

I love sunsets and the promise they give that tomorrow we will start a new !

What about you ?

Rear View Mirror

 

I find that the older I get the more I seem to be looking back. 

When I was 20, the world lay in front of me and not a moments time was spent looking back.

Life was ahead of me and the road I had traveled to get there was of no value in my quest to move forward.

I have found that the longer the road becomes  in my rearview mirror, the more value looking back seems to hold. 

I have had a great life, so far, and although there have been struggles along the way, the view in the mirror is a good one and one I don’t mind looking back at.

Recently I was sharply reminded of the faces that only exist in my life while looking back.

Life is a never-ending series of changes. People come into our lives and leave on a regular basis.

Some disappear and we don’t even notice they are gone, until a look back in the mirror, reminds us of their presence once upon a time.

Some leave due to life changes and we say goodbye with the hope of seeing them again someday.

Others come into our lives and never leave. They became a part of our story as we look back and they write new chapters with us as we move forward.

Some enter our lives and provide no real value one way or the other. Time spent as coworkers or work friends. Weekend activities facilitated by a friendship centered around work but once the work changes so do the connections.  They fade away and new connections are made with new work friends.

Others come into our lives and although their stay may be short . The importance of their presence will never leave you and even though they may no longer create new chapters in your life. The gift they provided has not only enriched you , but it also changed you forever.

Today I want to tell you about just such a person. A person who came into my life for only a few years and yet changed my life forever.

His name is John.  He worked at Boise Cascade/Mead paper in Rumford at the same time I did in the 1990’s.

He was a highly skilled HR professional that was a master in Organizational Development and training.

When I was given the chance to work within the HR department at the mill I was assigned John as my direct supervisor. We worked together for about 3 years.

John was everything I wasn’t. He was patient, kind and focused on the good in everything. He treated everyone kindly no matter who they were or what they had done. 

Even those who treated him poorly, were handled with respect and kindness time after time.

John would never prejudge any interaction he was about to face no matter the history. If John had a less than favorable interaction with someone time after time, he would always go into the next one with a clean slate and a focus on the positive no matter what.

He was an expert on organizational dynamics and knew exactly how to get things done through motivating and supporting all levels of an organization. Whether it was Union negotiation, training supervisors or training employees , John knew how to equip and support each for success. He was a Master at his craft for sure. 

I, was as far from that as I could be, yet somehow, I was given the chance to learn from him.

John went from my supervisor to my friend.  We had the same love of the outdoors, camping and fishing.

He allowed me into his personal life.

He made it very clear that work was work and camping, canoeing, or fishing was personal. He walked that line very well and never allowed one to impact the other.

He took a young , stubborn, judgmental “know it all”  under his wing and during just a few years molded me into the professional I have become .

He challenged my stubbornness with flexibility, my judgmental attitude with acceptance, my pride with humility and my desire to be “right”  with the desire to “DO” right.

Looking back his focus was as much on me personally as it was professionally.

To say he had an impact on my life, my perception of life and my ability to look at the world differently would be an understatement.

  He molded a professional who would go on to succeed in many aspects but most importantly he started me on the personal journey I have taken to become the man I am today.

He invested so much time and effort into me personally as well as professionally, I can never repay him or thank him enough!

In 2000 I left the mill and moved to Alabama.

 Although we said our goodbyes, I never believed for a moment it was truly goodbye. But sadly, it was.

 I  only visited with him once after I left 21 years ago.

On a quick visit back to Maine I got ahold of him and we had a sandwich at Sam’s in Rumford.  It was great to see him, and we caught up on what had taken place since I left.

It was a great visit and I promised to call again when I was back in town !

I never did.

That was probably 2002…………. maybe?

Now John has struggled with health issues as long as I have known him. He was battling kidney failure while I was working with him but most never knew it. I did of course, but his positive attitude on life kept his secret hidden except for those who needed to know. 

He never dwelled on it or felt sorry for himself, he accepted it and always planned to fight it and beat it ! He always did.

Kidney failure twice, 2 kidney transplants over the course of 20 years and his positive attitude and strong will to live, helped him push through. He cheated death both times!

I just found out John is in his final battle. A battle with stage 4 cancer .

 A battle that this time, he cannot win.  I have a hard time even writing those words. “ a battle he cannot win”  But?????????

 

I have not spoken with John in over 18 years , he went through both transplants and is now fighting his final battle and I didn’t even know. 

How could I be the one who slipped away and never looked back after everything he did for me !

Why didn’t I stay in touch ?  

A call?

A note ?

 Hell, an old fashion letter !! He would have appreciated that !

But I didn’t . Sadly, life took me away on a different path and  on this path I never looked back.

 Why do we allow people to come and go like the tide and we simply allow it to happen?  

Was I lazy? Didn’t have the time?

Honestly, it doesn’t matter why!

I know life gets busy and regardless of what we would like to do, sometimes we just let things slip. Days become weeks, months, and years and soon time has slipped by.

What pulls at me the most is that it happened, and I let it.

I reached out to john and his family through a family friend after I found out yesterday that this most recent  battle with cancer has now been ongoing for 4 years.  

My immediate fear was that he had lost his battle already and I never knew it!  

But no, he is still fighting as I should have known he would be!

 Can I  see him? Where is he in the battle?

Will he be able to visit with me? To talk with me?   

I must make sure he knows the impact he had on a “green” young man before the chance is taken away !

  I never told him what he meant to me; men don’t do that kind of stuff right???

I never said how his friendship and guidance changed the path my life was on.  No,

he never knew and I never told him.

To this day the things he taught me are still apart of who I am.

Much of my success  stems from time and work he put into the employee he was assigned and the friend he made.

One last talk?

 One last bit of advice from the mentor?

Although it will surely end in tears,

 I have to be able to look in the mirror and know I finished this path right.

Please,  just one more .

Diaper Duty !

 

I have to say being a Grandfather is a true joy!

 Watching my grandchildren grow provides a satisfaction that’s hard to explain and the rewards are endless.

I am blessed in that both of my boys and their families have moved back to Maine and live within 30 minutes of Lisa and me.

This week I had the pleasure of watching my youngest Grandbaby Lilah . She is 11 months old, and I got the chance to watch her for two days this week while mom had to work and dad was out of town.

I picked her up each morning just before 6 am and mom stopped by after work about 4 to pick her up. It was a great 2 days for sure!

Being a grandpa brings you back to a time many decades earlier when their parents were their age.  With Lilah it was over 30 years ago her dad was that age. I see so much of him in her !

You get to relearn so many skills that have faded over the years as you start watching your grandbabies !

Skills like sprinting INSIDE the house, a skill needed to stop a potential disaster as it unfolds feet away! Oh, how I had forgotten how nimble one must be to watch a toddler !!  They move quick !!!

There is also the ever-needed talent of feeding a child who would rather wear the food than eat it !! Yup have napkin in hand while feeding ! Check !

And then there is the ever-popular clutter scramble. As fast as you can pick up the messes being made from things being thrown on the floor, the quicker they make a new mess !

All valuable skills one loses once your children grow up and no grandbabies exist.

I am proud to say, like riding a bike, I got right back into the “swing” of things with no problems! I was an instant success at this babysitting thing !!

My least favorite skill I had the pleasure of relearning was the all-important diaper duty !

Up until Wednesday it had been over 30 years since I changed a diaper! 

Although an  important exercise to the wearer, I must admit, it is the least favorite  skill I had to relearn.

My first leap into this forgotten skill of diaper changing was a fully loaded diaper that smelled like something  I should have alerted homeland security of! I mean seriously , I am sure It had to be deadly and some form of biological weapon .

Wow!  Way to jump right back into it , I thought to myself!

 Oh, and it was the cutest shade of green, I am convinced  that was a failed attempt to cover up the clearly deadly nature of the package!

I am sure I took way longer than I should have as I worked my way through this test of my seriously outdated diaper changing skills!

 Put to the test was  my ability to keep my stomach content in their current location and remain conscious, while cleaning up and getting a fresh diaper back on!

I am proud to say I was able to rid the world of what I still believe was some form of nerve agent and I never lost my bodily functions !! Quite an accomplishment for a guy who hadn’t touched a diaper in 3 decades !!

Lilah gets LOTS of vegetables in her diet which is great for her growth and development but, well…….you know !!

 As I explained the major adventure I had just been through to her mother via a text message ( one I almost provided photo evidence of but didn’t ) her reply was “ya her poops can be funky sometimes “ 

Oh really???? I thought to myself !!! Clearly the nerve gas is getting to her also !

Feeling pretty smug about my success we both went back to playing .

It wasn’t long before Lilah started getting fussy. We had eaten lunch and it was time for a nap.

As I sat in my recliner, I snuggled in with a slow rocking motion and a low humming while she laid quietly on my chest.

Within just minutes she was sound asleep!

Another success in the grandpa files !! 11-month-old asleep for a nap with no fighting ! Check !

At this point I had two choices. I could try to stand up and put her in her little chair she likes to sleep in, this move would risk waking her up and ruining her nap time. Or I could just sit there reclined in my chair with her on my chest and watch TV.

I chose to remain where I was and not risk waking her up.

This is a decision I would live to regret!

As we sat there and she slept she had the cuties little snore. Not loud but just a whisper of a snore as she breathed in and out . I am sure that exactly how I snore as well !! She probably takes after me !!

Now I am a VERY hot-blooded person. I have an immense amount of body heat, so it wasn’t long before we were both getting warm .

Here is where my decision to let her sleep  on my chest and my skills as a diaper technician collide.

Soon I noticed that the warmth between us seemed……..well…… wet?  And it was getting wetter.  

OH NO ! I though to myself. Fear runs through my mind as I consider the possibilities, there weren’t very many that end well !

Something is not right! How can this be ?? It wasn’t long before I realized my little angel had peed and not only was she wet, but for some strange reason my t-shirt from the middle of my chest to the top of my jeans was now wet and VERY warm.

Imagine my “joy” when I realized I had just been peed on and it was soaking into my clothing as we sat there ! 

SO, I thought to myself, now what ???

  I have a wet baby sleeping on my chest that somehow peed all over me!  The problem was she had only been sleeping about 20 minutes !! 

What to do , oh what to do?

 My mind raced as to the best way to get out of this situation! No solution seemed to make sense at this point. 

She was wet, I was wet! She is sleeping soundly and still snoring that cute little snore.

Well despite what I should have done at that moment, my desire to have a happy baby after a refreshing nap won out and yes you guessed it.

Grandpa and Lilah sat there in his chair waiting for her to wake up (about 30 more minutes)so Gramp could change them BOTH.

Although wet and covered in pee I decided it was more important to let her sleep and have a happy child, than escape a situation that had already gotten as bad as it was going to get !

When she finally did wake up and I had a chance to examine the catastrophe to see what went wrong, I realize I didn’t cinch the diaper tight enough and it had slid down creating an almost unobstructed path for the pee to find me !! 

Diaper duty fail !

BUT not all was lost. Lilah got a great nap and upon waking up, after BOTH of us got cleaned up, we had  a great afternoon playing and enjoying the day!

So, they say there are morals to every story,  I guess there is in this one also !

1)      1) Not ALL skills come back without practice!

2)      2) Don’t let a little pee interrupt a good nap !

 That second one may come in handy as I get older !!

Stone Walls

 If you live in Maine or any of the New England states for that matter , you see them every day. You pass them any time you travel anywhere along our roads.

Some can be seen clearly with little effort and others are hidden by time and harder to see.

We have some in my area that are over 250 years old and still stand tall today!   These were formed by the hands of the first settlers to our area in the mid 1700’s

They served many purposes for those who built them over the generations.  Some form boundary markers between properties. Some ring fields allowing crops to be planted, and some keep cattle and farm animals from wandering away.

I am of course talking about stone walls.

 It is estimated that New England has over 250,000 miles of stone walls crisscrossing our land. 

For the most part each stone wall  had a purpose when it was assembled all those years ago. Most likely that purpose, a purpose that required hundreds of hours of back breaking labor too accomplish , has been gone for centuries.

You can find them deep in the woods with no sign of any homestead or farm around and yet there they are everywhere creating sections that at one time had significant meaning. 

There remains a lattice work of squares and boundaries whose purpose has long been forgotten and yet there they stand continuing the mission they were given.

When you look at a stone wall, one must marvel in the achievement.  To accomplish what they did with nothing more than  simple tools and back breaking hard work, gives credence  to  how important it was at the time.

Our rocky soil here in Maine must be cleared to add any value beyond timber. As every settler to our area found out shortly after arriving,  the number one crop in Maine should be “rocks” .  

To clear a  wood lot for planting took not only eliminating the trees and  stumps, but  the rocks above and below the ground had to be removed so the oxen could plow the field for planting. 

Millions upon millions of rocks were picked up by hand and placed on the ever-growing miles of stone walls. This task was often split into two parts, the largest rocks were removed using oxen or horse teams to drag them to their resting place, the rocks that were so large only the men could carry them were done first leaving the rest for the women and children. 

That was a time when child labor and value to the farm started much earlier than they do today. Kids were expected to help, and the time-consuming task of lugging rocks was a good way to help.

 I am sure many walls were years in the making and probably a constant project as the farms in our area grew and agriculture expanded. 

 Woodland needed to become farmland, rocks needed to be moved. It was a never-ending battle between the earth and those looking to harness its potential.

Although we love the iconic look of the stone walls that meander along our property line or rim the edges of our local fields . I can only imagine the frustration settlers and early farmers in our area had for the entire process .

When you look at a stone wall keep in mind every rock had to be handled  by someone many years ago. 

You can pick any rock on any old stone wall and somewhere in its distant past it has a story to tell. Who picked it up ? What year did it leave the ground? And finally, when was the last time a hand held it?  

Each rock has a story, each wall  a legacy of those who labored away for a reason we may never truly  understand.

We see them now and don’t give them a second thought, or maybe we don’t even see them anymore. 

They are such a part of our environment that I would guess,  most don’t even notice them as they pass them by each day.

Each wall had a purpose, each wall was critically important to the hands that labored to build it and yet today they are just a haunting reminder of a time we have mostly forgotten.

 A time when stories were written in the rocks but sadly, we have  forgotten how to read the writing. 

So, the next time you pass by a stone wall, stop, and think for just a minute, how long has it stretched along its path, who may have worked to build it and why was it was important. 

If only the Stone Walls could talk,  just imagine the stories they would tell about those who came before us and the value they placed in something we hardly notice today .

Look up !

 

As the sun finally releases its grip on the day it fades with a defiance that provides one final show. A display that serves as a reminder of what was provided and a promise that it will return tomorrow to start anew.

As one part of the day flows into the other, the competing forces exchange greetings as they pass on the responsibilities to the next shift.

The birds sing one last song celebrating the ending of the day as they turn over the baton to the peeper frogs who are eagerly greeting the night with a chorus of excitement.

The  Mosquitos and blackflies have settled in for the night. The constant hum and buzz of the insects that inhabit the daylight, give way to the crickets that seem to live in every bush and log on the forest floor. 

The constant chirping  of the crickets confirms that night is here, and that they will rule the silence as they see fit.

The final glow of daylight gives way to the deep darkness that overtakes me. A level of darkness that can only be achieved far away from any city or streetlight . 

A level of darkness that many have never experienced but all should, at least once. 

It took many hours to get here , the last paved road is 25 miles away, the last town is almost 50 miles away and home is over 140 miles away.  I have no idea where the closest human is, and frankly I don’t want to know. 

 The darkness has erased the world I have been living in for the past 16 hours and replaced it with a masterpiece that demands attention.

My world went from a reality surrounded by all things I hold close in nature, to a world wrapped in darkness, perpetuating a lie that the world has somehow become a much smaller place. 

Although sight has been lost, it has been replaced with the sounds of the night.  

 A simple shift of the eyes skyward and the purpose of the darkness is revealed.

You see night belongs to the heavens. 

One could argue the only purpose behind the darkness is to allow us to see the wonder that lies above.

 A spectacle that remains hidden during the light of day, is only revealed within the darkness.  

The deeper the darkness the more magnificent the reveal! 

Simply breathtaking!

 Millions of small dots covering the night sky create a patchwork of shapes that one can only begin to explore.

 The realization that each dot, each flicker of light, is millions, if not billions of miles away is a hard thing to grasp. 

They hang there every night, each in its place, as though their only mission is to be seen by us. 

To be appreciated .

Maybe their purpose is to provide us with a sense of wonder as we glance skyward?

How small I feel as I gaze at what stretches out before me. 

The night sky reflecting off the still water of the pond in front of me, makes the show even more amazing.

Perhaps that is the purpose, after all.

 Perhaps the night is merely there to help us see!

 Maybe it’s meant in some small way, to humble us as we close out another day.  

Our vision, driven upward by the darkness,  ensures we must focus on things much greater than ourselves.  

In the darkness we have no choice but to look up for light and in doing so we realize just how small we truly are.   

Maybe, just maybe, we are meant to look up each night so that we may never lose sight of what lies within.

 So, I have to admit I am exhausted!  I have had 24 hours that has drained me both mentally and physically.

Now I do a lot of thing in a year that push me physically. I put in 3 to 5 cord of wood each year. I cut full length logs into stove size pieces.  It takes weeks to get it all done.

I cut, Split, throw in the basement and stack it all. It is a ton of work and very tiring . 

But that wasn’t it.

I hike mountain all summer long that push my body and my mind as I try to make it to the top.  

Nope that's not it either!

I do a lot of spring yard work this time of year to get things ready for summer.

 You see I never do what I should in the fall so come spring I have a lot of cleaning, raking, picking up and cutting back of plants and shrubs.

 Just a major amount of work to do in order to make sure the place looks good for summer. 

But again , nope that’s not what is making me tired.

What does have me on the brink of falling asleep as I sit here at 5:30 on a Saturday night is the fact that I just spent 24 hours, along with Lisa, taking care of our first Grandchild Katherine Alice. 

She is 3 months shy of 2 years old .

We had the pleasure of having her for the first overnight last night. 

We had a great time with her!

We played, we laughed , we pouted when we got into things we shouldn’t have. 

We worked so hard to get to sleep at 11:00 last night since only 2 of the three of us thought sleep was important !

We ate bacon and eggs for breakfast, and we played all day .

We found everything we shouldn’t as a 2-year-old and all-day long Gramma and Grandpa ran around making sure we didn’t get into something we shouldn’t. 

Its hard to baby proof a house for a 2-year-old !

We read books, we rode the whale rocker, and we ate lots of yummy food.  Oh and yes we ran around the inside of the house !  Miles and miles traveled in such a small area inside the house !

Honestly, it was one of the best 24 hours I have spent in a long time. I loved every minute of it,  and I can’t wait to do it again !

AND I AM EXHAUSTED !

 Dang keeping up with a 2-year-old is hard work !!

I can’t wait to do it again !!

Good night everyone !