Rear View Mirror

 

I find that the older I get the more I seem to be looking back. 

When I was 20, the world lay in front of me and not a moments time was spent looking back.

Life was ahead of me and the road I had traveled to get there was of no value in my quest to move forward.

I have found that the longer the road becomes  in my rearview mirror, the more value looking back seems to hold. 

I have had a great life, so far, and although there have been struggles along the way, the view in the mirror is a good one and one I don’t mind looking back at.

Recently I was sharply reminded of the faces that only exist in my life while looking back.

Life is a never-ending series of changes. People come into our lives and leave on a regular basis.

Some disappear and we don’t even notice they are gone, until a look back in the mirror, reminds us of their presence once upon a time.

Some leave due to life changes and we say goodbye with the hope of seeing them again someday.

Others come into our lives and never leave. They became a part of our story as we look back and they write new chapters with us as we move forward.

Some enter our lives and provide no real value one way or the other. Time spent as coworkers or work friends. Weekend activities facilitated by a friendship centered around work but once the work changes so do the connections.  They fade away and new connections are made with new work friends.

Others come into our lives and although their stay may be short . The importance of their presence will never leave you and even though they may no longer create new chapters in your life. The gift they provided has not only enriched you , but it also changed you forever.

Today I want to tell you about just such a person. A person who came into my life for only a few years and yet changed my life forever.

His name is John.  He worked at Boise Cascade/Mead paper in Rumford at the same time I did in the 1990’s.

He was a highly skilled HR professional that was a master in Organizational Development and training.

When I was given the chance to work within the HR department at the mill I was assigned John as my direct supervisor. We worked together for about 3 years.

John was everything I wasn’t. He was patient, kind and focused on the good in everything. He treated everyone kindly no matter who they were or what they had done. 

Even those who treated him poorly, were handled with respect and kindness time after time.

John would never prejudge any interaction he was about to face no matter the history. If John had a less than favorable interaction with someone time after time, he would always go into the next one with a clean slate and a focus on the positive no matter what.

He was an expert on organizational dynamics and knew exactly how to get things done through motivating and supporting all levels of an organization. Whether it was Union negotiation, training supervisors or training employees , John knew how to equip and support each for success. He was a Master at his craft for sure. 

I, was as far from that as I could be, yet somehow, I was given the chance to learn from him.

John went from my supervisor to my friend.  We had the same love of the outdoors, camping and fishing.

He allowed me into his personal life.

He made it very clear that work was work and camping, canoeing, or fishing was personal. He walked that line very well and never allowed one to impact the other.

He took a young , stubborn, judgmental “know it all”  under his wing and during just a few years molded me into the professional I have become .

He challenged my stubbornness with flexibility, my judgmental attitude with acceptance, my pride with humility and my desire to be “right”  with the desire to “DO” right.

Looking back his focus was as much on me personally as it was professionally.

To say he had an impact on my life, my perception of life and my ability to look at the world differently would be an understatement.

  He molded a professional who would go on to succeed in many aspects but most importantly he started me on the personal journey I have taken to become the man I am today.

He invested so much time and effort into me personally as well as professionally, I can never repay him or thank him enough!

In 2000 I left the mill and moved to Alabama.

 Although we said our goodbyes, I never believed for a moment it was truly goodbye. But sadly, it was.

 I  only visited with him once after I left 21 years ago.

On a quick visit back to Maine I got ahold of him and we had a sandwich at Sam’s in Rumford.  It was great to see him, and we caught up on what had taken place since I left.

It was a great visit and I promised to call again when I was back in town !

I never did.

That was probably 2002…………. maybe?

Now John has struggled with health issues as long as I have known him. He was battling kidney failure while I was working with him but most never knew it. I did of course, but his positive attitude on life kept his secret hidden except for those who needed to know. 

He never dwelled on it or felt sorry for himself, he accepted it and always planned to fight it and beat it ! He always did.

Kidney failure twice, 2 kidney transplants over the course of 20 years and his positive attitude and strong will to live, helped him push through. He cheated death both times!

I just found out John is in his final battle. A battle with stage 4 cancer .

 A battle that this time, he cannot win.  I have a hard time even writing those words. “ a battle he cannot win”  But?????????

 

I have not spoken with John in over 18 years , he went through both transplants and is now fighting his final battle and I didn’t even know. 

How could I be the one who slipped away and never looked back after everything he did for me !

Why didn’t I stay in touch ?  

A call?

A note ?

 Hell, an old fashion letter !! He would have appreciated that !

But I didn’t . Sadly, life took me away on a different path and  on this path I never looked back.

 Why do we allow people to come and go like the tide and we simply allow it to happen?  

Was I lazy? Didn’t have the time?

Honestly, it doesn’t matter why!

I know life gets busy and regardless of what we would like to do, sometimes we just let things slip. Days become weeks, months, and years and soon time has slipped by.

What pulls at me the most is that it happened, and I let it.

I reached out to john and his family through a family friend after I found out yesterday that this most recent  battle with cancer has now been ongoing for 4 years.  

My immediate fear was that he had lost his battle already and I never knew it!  

But no, he is still fighting as I should have known he would be!

 Can I  see him? Where is he in the battle?

Will he be able to visit with me? To talk with me?   

I must make sure he knows the impact he had on a “green” young man before the chance is taken away !

  I never told him what he meant to me; men don’t do that kind of stuff right???

I never said how his friendship and guidance changed the path my life was on.  No,

he never knew and I never told him.

To this day the things he taught me are still apart of who I am.

Much of my success  stems from time and work he put into the employee he was assigned and the friend he made.

One last talk?

 One last bit of advice from the mentor?

Although it will surely end in tears,

 I have to be able to look in the mirror and know I finished this path right.

Please,  just one more .